Tips on prepping your home for your holiday vacation

1. Lock It Down Like Fort Knox

Your home should be locked up tighter than Aunt Martha’s secret pumpkin pie recipe.

• Double-Check Locks: Yes, all the doors and windows. Even that one you think no one notices behind the shrubbery. Burglars notice.
• Ditch the Fake Rock Key: We’ve all seen the movies. No one’s fooled by that hollow plastic “rock.” Instead, leave a key with someone trustworthy (and hopefully less obvious than your garden gnome).
• Install Smart Tech: Video doorbells and smart locks are like having a tech-savvy butler keeping an eye on things. Bonus: You can scare off intruders by shouting "Who's there?!" through the app.

2. Lights, Timers, Action!

Don’t let your house look like it’s auditioning for The Purge by sitting in darkness.

• Set Timers for Lights: Make it look like someone’s home binge-watching Netflix, even if you’re actually halfway across the country dodging family drama.
• Motion Sensor Lights: Nothing says "get off my lawn" like a floodlight suddenly turning on. It’s basically the modern-day version of shouting, "Scram, you hooligans!"

3. Unplug the Power Vampires

Some electronics quietly suck power even when they’re off—kind of like your cousin who only shows up for free food.

• Unplug Unnecessary Electronics: Coffee makers, TVs, and toasters don’t need to stay plugged in while you’re gone. Unless your toaster is plotting against you, in which case, unplug it twice.
• Keep the Essentials Running: The fridge stays on (duh), unless you’re into finding a biology experiment growing in your veggie drawer when you get back.

4. Don’t Let Winter Turn Your Pipes Into Popsicles

If you think defrosting your car is a pain, just wait until you try thawing out a frozen pipe.

• Set the Thermostat: Keep it at least 55°F so your pipes don’t freeze. Sure, the house won’t be spa-warm, but hey, neither is your cousin's guest room.
• Shut Off the Water: If you’ll be gone a while, shut off the main water supply. Trust me, your post-vacation self doesn’t want to deal with a burst pipe and a surprise indoor swimming pool.

5. Enlist Your Neighborhood Watch (a.k.a. Karen from Next Door)

A trusted neighbor is worth their weight in gold.

• Ask for Help: Have someone bring in your mail, packages, or any random pizza flyers on your porch. Nothing screams “I’m not home!” like a pile of junk mail taller than your Christmas tree.
• Emergency Contacts: Leave your info, and maybe even the number for a plumber. You never know when your toilet might go rogue.
• Bribe Them with Cookies: Nothing secures neighborhood loyalty like baked goods.

6. Tame the Mail Monster

Speaking of mail, don’t let it pile up like a bad to-do list.

• Pause Mail Delivery: Head to the post office (or hop online) to pause your mail. It’s quick, easy, and saves your mailbox from looking like it had too much eggnog.
• Reroute Packages: Adjust delivery dates so you’re home to greet them—or have them sent to a safe spot. Nobody wants to deal with a porch pirate this holiday season.

7. Social Media: The Double-Edged Sword

We get it, you want to share that selfie of you with reindeer antlers. But think twice.

• Post Later, Not Now: Don’t broadcast to the world that your house is empty. Save the bragging for after you’re back.
• Check Privacy Settings: Make sure your account isn’t wide open for every random stranger (or local burglar) to see.

8. Leave It Better Than You Found It

Coming home to a clean house is like finding money in your pocket—it’s oddly satisfying.

• Do a Quick Clean: Take out the trash, do the dishes, and maybe even vacuum. Future You will want to hug Past You for being so thoughtful.
• Stock the Fridge: Have a frozen pizza or a bottle of wine waiting for your return. Trust me, after a long trip, you’re not going to want to cook.

9. Deck the Halls with Caution

Holiday décor can double as home protection if you’re clever about it.

• Timed Christmas Lights: Nothing says “I’m totally home” like a well-timed glow from your festive holiday lights. Just don’t overdo it and make your house visible from space.
• Indoor Decorations: A wreath on the door or a twinkling tree by the window adds a cozy vibe and keeps up appearances. Plus, Santa will appreciate the effort.

10. Have Fun and Don’t Worry!

Look, no amount of planning will prevent every little thing, but that’s life. Follow these tips, and you can relax knowing your home is safe and sound while you’re off having holiday adventures (or surviving Uncle Bob’s annual storytelling marathon).

And remember, if something does go awry, it’s just another story for next year’s holiday gathering. Safe travels and happy holidays! 🎄✈️